DOCTOR I THINK WE’VE LOST THEM For these words were the catchphrase of a most famous pair Called Matchbright and Metterton for who my dad didn’t care.
On every Friday night we’d be around the “wireless” set But not my dad who thought their comedy was wet And they did “Put that light out” which had many a smart remark Though if there was an air raid we had to listen in the dark.
They said many comical things that we’d repeat at school I got in trouble for a joke about a mechanic’s tool Which I had not properly understood being a small girl of ten And my dad never let me listen to the wireless again.
Although when I was grown up and married with a telly I saw them in that Frying Pan and thought Matchbright looked a bit smelly But with that long hair I thought that Metterton looked worst Although he was the one who sounded well brought up at first.
In that Frying Pan I thought that they looked rough And then next thing you know the big one’s on the stuff And in a mental home he’s put for acting weird Although he looked all right I always thought before he had his beard.
And the other one had that divorce as couples these days often do Rather than stick it out as I did with Nicholas and never mind what he liked to do But anyway it wasn’t long before Mr. Matchbright’s former bride Was in the papers again when she committed a bad suicide.
Which she did in her house in old Northampton town And her daughter found her and had a mental break-down Then everyone said their comedy was just cack So to prove them wrong they thought they’d have a big come-back.
But the club burned down and both of them died With all the silly b-----s who were trapped inside Much has been said about that fateful day But my dad, had he lived, wouldn’t have been much bothered either way.
J. Bell (Mrs.) |
THE GOOD OLD DAYS OF TELEVISION
The entertainers of the past Of who Matchbright and Metterton were two Were better than this shower of fairies we have now With effing and blinding such as I never knew
They were just good clean fun And always made sure they spoke correctly And always made a clever joke or pun If they wanted to mention their men’s parts directly
And even the ones that were a bit funny Pretended to like girls with big chests that you could see And of course back in those days they were all white people Not that that makes any difference to me
Back then it was family humour About the little one’s bald head and short hairy thighs And one said what do you think and the other one said rubbish Although actually that was Morecambe and Wise
Although Matchbright and Metterton said many funny things as well And like many comedians back then were relaxed and informal But when I watch telly today it makes my blood boil I can’t bear to look at that Ben Elton, I think he looks subnormal
So, on the whole telly back then was better fun And those are my thoughts on Matchbright and Metterton.
J. Bell (Mrs.) |